CONTENTION

In the aftermath of a harrowing event, when our feelings are left raw and we have a belly-full of discomfort -- when we are anguished by our inability to effect a change in the dreaded outcome -- when we are desperately trying to quiet our desperation in the face of overwhelming feelings of helplessness -- when all actions are useless and deeds are meaningless and yet we are driven by the pain that is the motor of the very instinct that ensures our survival -- when there is no other pathway to inner peace, 

WE TURN ON EACH OTHER

and fight over this and that, aimlessly, recklessly, passionately as we attempt to comfort ourselves at the expense of others.

Pro-this vs anti-that; freedom vs security; less-filling vs tastes-great -- pick your battle. Our skirmishes are just attempts to quiet the desperate helplessness that we do NOT want to feel. Winning a little verbal argument makes us feel like we are in control of our lives and our world, once again.

So go ahead and fight over gun control, (or abortion, or taxes, or drug use, or religion, or politics, etc) and bring to bear all the passion-distorted "evidence" that you want. I know you're hurting and you just need to get it out. I am your comrade, your friend, your brother. I feel it, too. I understand.

You are safe with me. I am your therapist.

Christmas: A Time To Remember

Every year at Christmas time the retail-machinery of our consumer-culture kicks into gear. Consequently, instead of Christmas being the religious celebration that it is ideally meant to be, it is routinely transformed into a competition of gift buying and receiving. High expectations rapidly ensue and give rise to high frustrations.

Unfortunately, most of us misbehave when we are frustrated -- we become aggressive or detached, moody or withdrawn. So the irony of the Christmas season is that when we are expecting to have fun and joy we can easily find ourselves in the midst of stress and contention.

So Christmas is a great time to remember...

• Things do not have to be perfect
• Relationships with our loved ones are more valuable than any temporal possessions
• Making mistakes is a part of life -- even the mistake of being stressed-out
  

Here's hoping that we can all remember the important things as we go through the Christmas season, and find that joy that is always there (whether we recognize it or not).