Tip of the Week: Carrots and Sticks

All relationships use both rewards and punishments.  Carrots and sticks can each be very motivational,  but the best results happen when we understand the following:

>A carrot dangles in front, a stick strikes from behind.

>A carrot attracts, a stick repels.

>A carrot is a focal point, a stick means pain.

>A carrot is a goal to strive toward, a stick is something to be avoided.

>A carrot can add to good feelings, a stick's most positive result is the lack of bad feelings.

>A carrot strengthens relationships, a stick increases separation.

>You can move someone with a stick, you can steer someone with a carrot.

A Really Great Self-Help Book for Child-Discipline

There are so many self-help books on the bookstore shelves that it is hard to know which ones are good and which ones are not. HOW TO BEHAVE SO YOUR CHILDREN WILL TOO by SAL SEVERE is one of the very best ones, in my opinion. I have recommended it to many of my patients and have heard nothing but great responses.

By the way, I get nothing for this endorsement other than the satisfaction of knowing that I have made a good recommendation.

Child Discipline Tip: Follow-through & Consistency = Trust

One of the complaints that many parents have about their child is that they cannot trust her. One of the most important principles for parents to learn is that they themselves (the parents) have to be trustworthy by following-through and being consistent. A parent must be willing to do what they promise they will do when establishing consequences for their child's behavior. That includes controlling their own emotions (not using discipline as an outlet for anger) and even being flexible. But it does not mean ignoring, conveniently forgetting, capriciously changing, or just giving-up on established rules. In an ironic twist of fate, the important question parents need to ask themselves is "can my child trust ME?"

Tip of the Week: Child Discipline

If you take something away from your child to teach him the consequences of his bad behavior, also give him the chance to earn it back through his good behavior. Remembering to do that will triple the effectiveness of the discipline. More than just punishing bad behavior, you will also be rewarding good behavior and simultaneously strengthening the parent/child relationship by facilitating a positive ending to the discipline episode.